by Greg Anderson
“Emotional Intelligence refers to the capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships.” Daniel Goleman in Working With Emotional Intelligence
Goleman’s definition of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is not the only definition out there, but his work on the subject of EQ is an excellent study for church leaders. Goleman identified five capabilities or components that emotionally intelligent individuals exhibit. Within each capability is a subset of competencies that can serve as a roadmap to emotional health. The five components are: Self-awareness, self-regulation, internal motivation, empathy, and social skills. While each component complements the faith walk of a church leader, self-awareness and others awareness (includes empathy and social skills), are particularly important characteristics worthy of not just consideration – but mastery.
Empathy and Compassion
Jesus’ ministry emphasizes empathy and caring for others. When Jesus weeps at the death of Lazarus in John 11, he demonstrates a profound ability to share in sorrow for both those who experienced loss and those who were not grasping the heart of his purpose and ministry. Many of Jesus’ parables, healing episodes, and other miracles testify to his compassionate nature; perhaps none more so than Matthew 23:37, “Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing.”
Self-Awareness
The Psalms provide powerful examples of self-awareness, where individuals express their deepest joys, fears, and a myriad of other thoughts, feelings, emotions, and prayers to God. In particular, David’s openness before the Lord reflects emotional intelligence in practice (or opportunity to grow in self-awareness) as do many prayers of the prophets, apostles, and disciples of Jesus.
Self-Control
The Bible frequently highlights the importance of managing our tendencies and emotions, particularly anger. The writer of Proverbs observes, “Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city” (16:32). Many years later, James will encourage believers to be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). It is easy to understand (although not always easy to manifest) why self-control is a fruit of the work of God’s Holy Spirit in the heart and life of an apprentice of Jesus.
Social Skills
Throughout His life, Jesus models how to foster kingdom-minded relationships and navigate conflict with others and self with love, mercy, and grace. His teachings on forgiveness, togetherness, and collaboration with God and others, demonstrate the value of building, growing, and (when necessary) restoring healthy, God-honoring relationships with others.
Empowering Others
Scripture reveals multiple instances of believers lifting others up and supporting their holistic growth. From Aaron and Hur supporting a weary Moses to Paul counseling believers to “encourage one another and build each other up” (1 Thess. 5:11), we are shown the importance of “one anothering” again and again.
As much as these characteristics underscore how EQ principles can emerge from a deep engagement with Scripture, we must make sure as church leaders that the EQ cart and horse always remain in their designed order. While a Christian leader may benefit from studying secular EQ principles, a more powerful and transformative life change is made possible when growing in self and others awareness surfaces from a place of genuine love for God, others, and self.
In response, the love-driven church leader and congregation, “loves because he first loved us” and understands, “greater love has no man than this” and tests and approves, “God’s good, pleasing, and perfect will” while “taking up their cross” and following him.
In a time when so many people fire the guns of emotion driven responses at will, may we choose to remember that love is not an emotion. Love is a choice. The church leader who chooses wisely and along the way is nourished and transformed by the deep, rich truth of God’s Word, the practice of spiritual disciplines, and the fellowship of believers will be much better positioned to offer that same nourishing and transformation to a church community that can in turn offer the same to the greater community in which the body of Christ is situated.
I am a fan of studying and growing individual and collective EQ. I believe it is possible and that resources such as Goleman’s work is beneficial for leadership development. However, I believe there is a much greater likelihood of powerful and scalable EQ transformation when spiritual transformation has occurred first. After all, did Jesus not insist that it is the wise who build their house on the rock?
Trust the foundation my friends, for surely it is good as is the One made it.
Leave a Reply