Not on Sunday

by Amanda Box

 

Sunday is a really interesting filter. When I worked with guests and new members at our church, I noticed a couple of Sunday/not Sunday patterns. One is that people would tell me almost anything Monday through Saturday, but probably not very much on a Sunday. I don’t think it’s all that hard to figure out. On Sunday, we have a schedule to follow, are probably dressed up, and conditioned to be quiet during service. The other pattern I’ve noticed is that if a person is going to feel sincerely plugged into a church family, the cohesion process happens outside the church building and is highly dependent upon friendships. When I’ve seen a high rate of volunteer activity with no substantive friendships, the flame burns out pretty quickly, and people leave. This isn’t exactly a news flash; we’ve always known relationships are critical. The newsflash is that it seems when people are together making church happen, it is just a different dynamic than allowing church to happen independently of the property.

Although people go to check out a new church family in surprising numbers, they are probably not filling out the visitor cards. This makes getting contact information a little difficult and following up after Sunday impossible. Some are quite gifted at sitting in the balcony and leaving before any human contact takes place. I’m not embarrassed to say that I would chase people down in the parking lot. I knew that if people left without making a connection, we would never see them again. The 15 minutes between class and worship was a critical time for me to accomplish two things: spot the new people and get cell numbers. The hard fact is that people make up their minds in less than seven minutes about the possibility of a second visit. So during this time, I assumed my Tigger position, eager to pounce on a new friend. I was only Tigger on the inside. On the outside, I was simply a friendly face with a lunch invitation on the tip of my tongue. After introductions and a bit of small talk take place, I would simply invite them to lunch or coffee and ask for a cell number. I was never turned down. 

On Monday, I sent a text, which is less invasive than a phone call. We began a conversation that many times led to a relationship. Every once in a while, someone didn’t text me back, but it was pretty rare. Over lunch or coffee, the conversation was easy, and a great beginning to a relationship.

From there, I tried to connect them with other people in a variety of ways. Again, the Sunday/not Sunday pattern emerged. When I was introducing people at church, or have new people into my house for a small group lunch on a Sunday, the experience was pleasant, and the newcomers did meet other people. However, when I had people over Monday through Saturday, the results are dramatically different. When my house was full of people, eating, laughing, and talking, God was present and working to build this church family into a cohesive group. Does God do this on Sundays? I’m sure he does, but I think people allow it to happen much faster Monday through Saturday because of their own perceptions and filters. This type of welcome in the infancy of someone’s experience with a new church family is highly formative in laying a foundation for spiritual growth and maturity in service. Whether we want to acknowledge it or not, we might assemble at 10:30 on a Sunday with people we don’t like, but we probably won’t serve, invest, or sacrifice with people we don’t want to talk to Monday through Saturday. 

 

About the Author

As the self-appointed communication evangelist, Amanda Box coaches people on all things communication as president of Box Communication, Inc. Amanda served Meadowbrook Church of Christ in Jackson, Mississippi in two different roles for 11 years as children’s minister and connections minister. As connections minister, she worked with ministry leaders, small groups, and new members. Other career adventures include all things communication. Amanda has consulted with business and industry for over 20 years to equip people with improved communication skills in critical areas such as conflict, presentation skills and team building. Additionally, Amanda was a full-time college professor for 10 years and spent four years as the public relations professional for a non-profit. Amanda earned her undergraduate degree in communication from Freed-Hardeman University in 1991 and a master’s degree in communication from Mississippi College in 1993. Amanda and her husband Chuck live in Austin, Texas.