by Amanda Box
As I was scrolling through social media, I noticed a post that asked, “What is one skill you wish you had developed earlier in your career. Well over half of the 66 responses were underneath the communication umbrella, with conflict at the top. In a similar post, I saw a list of what should be taught in seminary. Conflict training was at the top of that list, too.
There is a saying, “The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago; the second best time is today.” The same is true for communication training. Yes, we should have worked on our communication twenty years ago, but today is good too! Let’s just start.
Things always start with leadership, right? How is your elder group working together? Can they handle conflict together? Do they lead well together? Are there issues that need to be addressed but aren’t? Is there a disconnect or history between individuals that is affecting the group? How are relations between elders and staff? Is there dedicated time for ministers to share with elders about what’s going well, what’s not, needs, and concerns?
Sometimes, the staff gets the least attention when it comes to communication training. They are dedicated to making things happen, putting out fires, running programs, teaching, preaching, ministering, fixing what’s broken…. How many times do we stop and just check on how they are functioning together? It’s entirely too easy for ministers to operate as independent contractors, and many conflicts are left unresolved for too long, resulting in low retention and far too many minister search committees.
Here is the thing, though, we are notoriously blind to our own communication faults. A great example of this is public speaking. Absolutely everyone knows what they are supposed to do – but do they perform to the level of their own expectations? Having first-hand experience with thousands of students and clients, I think they can, but 95% don’t on their own. It’s not because they don’t want to; they just haven’t been properly coached, required to practice, or received helpful feedback. Skill and intention are two different animals. I fully believe, often when no one else does, that all people have good intentions. So even when we are sincerely motivated, we simply might not know how to accomplish our communication goals.
One of my favorite things about helping people with their communication is the freedom from fear it provides for them. When people have structures, language, and a strategy to handle themselves and each other respectfully, it’s a whole new world. To be able to connect authentically, handle conflict, disagree productively, allows people to get through a challenge, and still want to be on the same team. This can’t be done in a one-hour webinar. People need time to soak in concepts, practice, and refine skills in a low-stress environment where they can get solid coaching. This takes time, and the good news is that it’s fun and serves as a really effective bonding experience for participants. Conflict training would be a great service to offer to your community as well, allowing a chance to invite in new people to see who you are as a church family.
In your community, you have communication professionals, college professors, gifted volunteers, coaches, and many others who can provide solid training. Lean in to their expertise; I promise they will jump at the chance to help. As church leaders, we can’t limit our thinking to week-to-week activities and plans. Think about what you want your church to be in twenty years and plant that tree today!
About the Author
As the self-appointed communication evangelist and unleasher of the awesome, Amanda Box coaches ministers, volunteers, and professionals on all things communication as president of Box Communication, Inc. Amanda served Meadowbrook Church of Christ in Jackson, Mississippi, for 11 years in two different roles: children’s minister and connections minister. As connections minister, she worked with ministry leaders, small groups, and new members. Other career adventures include all things communication. Amanda has consulted with business and industry for over 20 years to equip people with improved communication skills in critical areas such as conflict, presentation skills, and team building. Additionally, Amanda was a full-time college professor for 10 years and spent four years as the public relations professional for a non-profit. Amanda earned her undergraduate degree in communication from Freed-Hardeman University in 1991 and a master’s degree in communication from Mississippi College in 1993. Amanda and her husband live in Austin, Texas.
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