by Jay Jarboe
The surprising power of asking questions, building trust, and making room for God to work
At Mission Resource Network, we have the privilege of training cross-cultural leaders around the world. Several years ago, God gave us friendships with leaders of a large disciple-making movement in a Spanish-speaking closed country. The movement now includes thousands of disciples and is still growing, and we began coming alongside its many servant leaders.
One of the practical trainings we offered was a three-day Coaching Workshop for Leaders. The workshop focused on a handful of simple but transformative skills: listening actively, asking powerful questions that encourage new ways of thinking, offering feedback without provoking defensiveness, developing achievable action steps, and following up to deepen learning and accountability.
These skills sound simple, and they are. But breaking our habits of teaching, telling, and providing answers can be surprisingly difficult.
From Striving to Rest
“I was always busy doing God’s work: trying to control others, trying to be a super leader. Now I’m calmer. I have times of solitude and times of rest. I’ve learned to say no, for my own sake and for the good of my family. Now that I have learned to empower and trust my leaders, I can say that I am in the middle of a detoxification process.”
— A Latin American leader
From Carrying the Burden to Freedom
“When I think about all the years I have spent serving people, mostly leaders, I wonder why it took so long to receive such an important tool. Discovering coaching has been like finding a well of living water in the middle of a desert. Many times I was frustrated that I couldn’t find a solution or give sound advice to the person in front of me. Before coaching, the responsibility was all mine: I had to find the answer, satisfy the person, give the right advice. It was exhausting and overwhelming, to the point that I felt rejection, annoyance, and even hatred toward the people I served. Coaching was like waking up to a new world. It has become part of my DNA. Today I enjoy what I do. I have learned to listen and to ask powerful questions, I am always learning from the people I coach, and the results have been excellent.”
— A disciple-maker, three years after the training
From Telling to Trusting the Spirit
“I remember when Jay helped me discover John 14:26: ‘But when the Father sends the Advocate as my representative—that is, the Holy Spirit—he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you’ (NLT). This was profound for me. Before coaching, I was always advising everyone and telling them what to do. When God revealed this scripture to me, my life changed. I began to trust the Holy Spirit and let God do His part in my leaders and disciples. My part became to create the space, ask intentional questions, listen, and let the Holy Spirit speak.”
— A disciple-making leader
What I Am Learning
For most of my ministry life, I have pursued transformation in my own life while seeking to help others experience it in theirs. God has worked through me—and sometimes despite me.
Looking back, I realize how often I assumed that my words, my hard work, and my teaching were the primary sources of change. But I am learning that lasting transformation comes through God’s Spirit, His Word, and meaningful spiritual conversations between people walking alongside one another.
Sometimes, the most powerful thing a leader can do is stop talking, listen, and ask a thoughtful question.
Who in your life might benefit from fewer answers and more of your listening ear? What might happen if, instead of offering advice, you created space for someone to reflect, discover, and hear God’s leading?
This week, consider approaching one conversation differently. Listen first. Ask a thoughtful question. Trust God to work in the space you create.
You may discover that the experience brings renewal not only to the person you’re encouraging, but to your own life as well.
About the Author
Jay Jarboe is the Director of the Emerging Leadership Initiative at Mission Resource Network (MRN), a global network with the vision to multiply healthy leaders to disciple the unreached and under-served people groups of the world. He is a coach and mentor for global leaders, with a focus on equipping them to multiply healthy leaders for future generations.
Before joining MRN, Jay served as the Lead Minister for the Sunset Church of Christ in Lubbock, Texas for five years. During his 25-year ministry with the Sunset Church of Christ and Sunset International Bible Institute (SIBI), Jay served as Director of the Adventures in Missions (AIM) program, an apprentice missionary training program, and as Dean of Missions and instructor at SIBI.
He is married to Sherry, and they have two adult children and four grandchildren: Kenny, Meagan, Cash, and Adelaide Husband; Ryan, Mary, Oliver, and Lucy Jarboe. Jay and Sherry were missionaries in Mexico City and now work with global workers, leaders, and churches around the world. His passion is seeking to be transformed into the image of Christ and helping others in that same quest.
Leave a Reply