by Amanda Box
Church leaders have no small task in finding a way forward for our church families. There will always be intense controversies and difficult challenges on every front. That’s part of what it means to lead people who care deeply and who aren’t shy about saying so.
In these moments, when leaders begin to understand Scripture differently and need to lead the church through important changes, the art of persuasion becomes a critical skill. As one quote puts it, “Through sharing we all find a common ground, inspiration, hope, meaning, and, ultimately, action.”
Let me tell you a story.
While serving as connections minister, the elders of our church were convicted that women should have a broader role in the life of the church.
As a 25-year veteran communication professor and consultant, I knew conflict management was really the key, and that relationships would make or break the process. We thought we were working on those very things, but we were missing something pretty important. In hindsight, I can pretty clearly see what was working and what wasn’t. The classes and seminars, while skillfully and thoughtfully taught, were not the persuasive tools that we needed them to be.
I found out what was persuasive by talking to people. I logged a lot of phone hours during that time. When I had the chance to just share my own story, I found that people would listen to me, open up, and share more. Those conversations were when I felt the anger and resistance begin to back down.
So I shared.
I shared that I was specifically placed in a Church of Christ home as an adopted child. Being a part of this church family is part of my identity since before I was born. As an off-the-charts extrovert and serious Jesus lover, I went to a Christian college as a communication major and never looked back. I loved my field, and it was only when I was asked to join my church staff in my 40s that I realized that, had I been male, I probably would have chosen ministry.
When my elders asked me to serve on a committee and study the issue, that was my first serious attempt to ask myself, “Are these things I’ve been taught biblical, or do I just think they are?” I’m embarrassed to say, I was painfully ignorant of biblical female activity and leadership, despite being a life-long student of the Bible and loving obscure biblical facts. I simply shared what I read in scripture without commentaries, podcasts, or outside opinions.
Through conversations, I saw people could relate to my experience, and these conversations created cracks of openness to the possibility of change. Further, people really listened when I shared that our elders were so convicted by God, that, despite choosing the more difficult path, they simply couldn’t say “no” to what God was calling them to do.
For elders who are facilitating any change in your church family, start with your story and share it both publicly and privately. Alongside the timelines and classes, share your history. Share how God has been leading you, how your mind has been changed, and how your heart can’t say “no” to God, even though that would be easier. Share how you are nervous to tell your parents. Share how you can’t sleep at night because you are worried about how we are going to get through this as a church family. Your people have trusted you enough to ask you to lead them. If they can hear your story, despite the oncoming conflict and difficulties, it will be the most effective persuasive tool you possess.
About the Author
As the self-appointed communication evangelist and unleasher of the awesome, Amanda Box coaches ministers, volunteers, and professionals on all things communication as president of Box Communication, Inc. Amanda served Meadowbrook Church of Christ in Jackson, Mississippi, for 11 years in two different roles: children’s minister and connections minister. As connections minister, she worked with ministry leaders, small groups, and new members. Other career adventures include all things communication. Amanda has consulted with business and industry for over 20 years to equip people with improved communication skills in critical areas such as conflict, presentation skills, and team building. Additionally, Amanda was a full-time college professor for 10 years and spent four years as the public relations professional for a non-profit. Amanda earned her undergraduate degree in communication from Freed-Hardeman University in 1991 and a master’s degree in communication from Mississippi College in 1993. Amanda and her husband live in Austin, Texas.
Leave a Reply