by Amanda Box
In a recent Bible class, the discussion included reflection on how to handle situations in which we disagree with behaviors that don’t align with Christian values. It’s quite the dilemma, and I appreciate the struggle. We want to show Jesus to others in an authentic and effective way, but we haven’t seen that modeled very well, have we? Communication wasn’t the point of the discussion, but the lack of communication skills was the unacknowledged bully in the room. We don’t know what to say or how to say it. We are clear on what we believe, but unclear on how to handle the situation.
Your resident communication evangelist offers a few coaching points.
- Start with one person.
It can be overwhelming to think about so many who don’t know Jesus. Who is on your heart? Who is already in your life? Start there. One is better than none. - How do you think about this person?
Is this individual someone you want to get to know because you value their friendship, or do you view them as a project, a Jesus-target of sorts? As friends, we build a foundation for deeper discussions because we’ve simply spent time talking about far less important topics. That’s not only ok, it’s important, good, and healthy. Just because this person isn’t a believer doesn’t mean you can skip this step. You can’t. Don’t try it. If you do, you will begin to lose your curiosity about who they are, hence twisting your purpose, and sending your conversation down a different path. - Swap stories.
Ask questions because you genuinely want to know the answer. Notice something you admire and say it out loud. “I love how you fight for the underdog. Who taught you that?” And when you share your own stories, use the word grateful. Tell them how you’ve seen God provide. Tell them what Jesus has taught you through the hard times. You don’t have to force a sermon into every conversation. Just be honest about where Jesus fits into your story. - What assumptions are you making?
Are you assuming someone isn’t open to a spiritual conversation? I’m a big believer that God provides windows of opportunity, especially if I’ve been praying for this relationship, for this person, and for my own communication skills. - When the controversial conversation pops up, pause. Set your intent.Do you want Jesus and a Christ-like life to be understood better? Or do you feel like you have to stand up and defend Christianity? The second choice is a trap; don’t fall for it. God doesn’t need you to defend, he needs you to demonstrate Jesus with skill and accuracy. Becoming a defender in this moment will only make you far less persuasive and, quite frankly, less likable.
- Listen first.
Try saying this: “I’d really like to hear your perspective and experience first. Would you be willing to share that?” Listen without mentally preparing your rebuttal. When it’s your turn, lead with Jesus, not a list of everything Christians should and shouldn’t do. Tell them what you’ve learned from following Jesus. Tell the truth about the ways you’ve gotten it wrong and what Jesus has taught you since. That’s vulnerable. Good, the things worth having usually require a little vulnerability.
Don’t even think about having these conversations on social media. One-on-one is your best shot.
If we want people to experience the Jesus we know, keep that as your focus as you improve your communication skills: more genuine sharing and a lot less defensiveness.
That sounds like a conversation worth having.
About the Author
As the self-appointed communication evangelist and unleasher of the awesome, Amanda Box coaches ministers, volunteers, and professionals on all things communication as president of Box Communication, Inc. Amanda served Meadowbrook Church of Christ in Jackson, Mississippi, for 11 years in two different roles: children’s minister and connections minister. As connections minister, she worked with ministry leaders, small groups, and new members. Other career adventures include all things communication. Amanda has consulted with business and industry for over 20 years to equip people with improved communication skills in critical areas such as conflict, presentation skills, and team building. Additionally, Amanda was a full-time college professor for 10 years and spent four years as the public relations professional for a non-profit. Amanda earned her undergraduate degree in communication from Freed-Hardeman University in 1991 and a master’s degree in communication from Mississippi College in 1993. Amanda and her husband live in Austin, Texas.
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